..the false recall..

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“..seesh, I can’t believe it is already 11 PM, how long have we been talking about?..” I whisper when I look at the time on my phone.
“..not sure, but more than three hours, we arrived after 7 this evening, aren’t we?..” He also realizing that we’ve been having conversation for sometime. The thing is, I enjoy talking to him, a conversation of exchanging views on certain topics. “..you sleepover tonight aren’t you? so you don’t have to rush to go home, and we still can chat for more..” He continue.
“..ok, I would not invading your privacy because of sleepover am I?..” I questioned, then finished my quarter left cup of tea.
“..owh come one, why would you? I usually asleep already, and this time I stay up late, just for us to chat, if by any chance I am not enjoying, I would drive you home by now already..” he light his red Marlboro, and I light my red Dunhill. I inhale deep my cigarette and release it slow. Enjoying the smoke that the government warn it would cause diseases. I couldn’t care less. “..hows your ex-boyfriend doing? Who was it? Lee if I’m not mistaken?..”
“..he is OK hopefully, I haven’t heard from him  since he left two months ago..” I explain shortly, hoping no continuing question appear. I leave that behind me.
“..you know, you will be alright, maybe next time, if you want someone to be with, find one who actually want to live in here. Because when he comes for holiday, it will remain the relationship is on holiday term. How would you know someone truly, if you knew that person in his holiday?..”
“..you’ve said that before already. And thank you to remind me. Again..” He put the cigarette in his lips, the fire on the edge of it turn red, he release the smoke slowly. “..you know, today, my supervisor congratulate me, because my boss were wanting to promote me to the sales department. Which I have no background. I am not sure if I would take the position..”
“..well, you’re welcome and congratulation! And why not? Are this new position is higher in wages?..”
“..well, yes, but knowing me, I don’t think I am a sales person. Maybe the owner sees what I don’t see. But I don’t think I can be happy by being in the new position..” I try to explain to him.
“..that I tough one, I would not be in a Job that would not make me happy, sometime, more wages makes me happy. If that doesn’t do the same to you, then you should stay at the same position. Correct?..”
“..i don’t know what will I do at this moment. I am sure once the time comes, I will have the answer already. and thank you for trying to understand my point..” Unlike my supervisor who is wanting me to take the position even though I told him I don’t want to. He try to understand me. That by having more money, would not makes me happy. Probably, next year I would be having the same wages that what is being offer to the new position, it would be a year skip of getting the same monthly income, if I take this offer.
“..you know, money probably won’t make you happy, but surely it ease things out. And no worry, I was just trying to understand your taking point..” He is finishing his last smoke and turn off the cigarette in the ashtray on the table. While I still have for more to finish mine. “..wait, I need to pee..” he ran to the toilet. I stand and walk to the terrace, looking out to the street, it is very quiet in the neighborhood. “..it is very quiet in here eh? I love this area at night. It was the first night when I just recently move here, I fall with the area, and know I would happy to live here..” he speak soft in my ear. He stand behind me.
“..it is quiet. You should visit my hometown next time, then you will hear crickets or frog at night, sometime an owl makes a sound as well..” I turn around wanting to get in to the house. He also turn around to get in. “..it is late already you know, you mind if we wrap it up, and then head to sleep? I can sleep on the couch..”
“..nonsense, you’re my guest, you sleep in the bed. We can sleep together you know. Don’t worry, I will not do anything to you that you don’t want to..” his quick response, leave me speechless. I was saying that I want to sleep on the couch because I sleep only on my underwear. I don’t like sleeping with my clothes on. It makes me feel stranded and then will continue with having difficulty to breath.
“..but..”
“..no but, we both sleep in bed. Don’t make me feel guilty because letting you sleep on the couch, and you’re having a pain in your back in the morning..” he cut my sentence.
“..not that, but I sleep with my clothes off. I have breathing difficulty if I sleep with my clothes on. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable with that, see?..” I have difficulty explaining. It might sound stupid to him.
“..who would sleep in this country? the weather are too hot to sleep with clothes on. I also sleep with my short pants only. I would sweat like crazy if I put on my clothes..” his quick-wit are rather enlightening me. “..and why are you smiling..”
“..hehe, your quick responses are funny..”
..
“..Gerhard, thank you for having me here tonight. It’s been a while I haven’t have long conversation like what we have tonight..” We both lay down, he lay on my right.
“..no need to thank me, I am glad to have you here tonight. It’s been a while for me having a guest and have a good conversation like we have. So we both are happy with that. So, no need to thank each other..” we both speak while we lay on our back.
“..you mind if I hold your hand while I try to sleep?..” I ask him, it’s always nice to hold someone hand when you are about to sleep.
“..sure, I enjoy holding hand while I sleep..” I am so glad to hear his response.
“..ok then Gerhard, good night then..”
“..good night you too..” He lay quietly, we hold hand. I close my eyes. My mind still wander around, about my about to change work situation. About how I could cope with the new position offer, even though I have no experience, but the owner seen something in me that I never knew, and offer such position?
I felt he squeeze my hand. I turn my face to see his and open my eyes, it seems like that he already asleep. I close my eyes again. Now in my mind, I see my hometown, owh how I miss my hometown, I imagine sitting in the terrace, the wind blow my body, the rice field in front of the house is ready to be harvest, so the gold-brown-ish color in front of my eyes. I often fall asleep in in the bamboo bench in the terrace. The sound of the tree leave touching each other that is being moved by the wind makes the perfect sound to send me to the dreamland.
He squeeze my hand again. I turn around facing him. He look so peaceful in his sleep. I want to smoke because apparently, my mind doesn’t allow me to sleep. I have to avoid in waking him up. I try to release my hand that he held. My other hand move to try helping the other hand go. While on the move, I accidentally touch his lower part of the body, and it was bulging. I stood there, thinking what to do, so I look at him closer. The soft light that went through to the bedroom from outside through the ceiling, I can see that his eyes is close. And his breathing is just like he is sleeping. Out of my expectation, he turn his face, facing me. I can feel his breathing in my neck. ‘is he asleep?’ my brain questioning. I put my lips on his. On my thinking, if he doesn’t response to that, them he must be asleep.
He open his eyes, and look surprise. But then he start to kiss me. He slip his tongue on my mouth. He bit my lower lips gently. I never thought that he would be the kissing kind of guy. Matter of fact, I never thought that I would be kissing him. He hold my face on the side to the back of my head with his both hand, and move me further from him. Is he stopping?
“..is this ok?..” i say softly. His both hand move my head closer. He kiss me again. His tongue going into my mouth freely. His left hand runs from my right body side. And his hand gesture pushing me to be on top of him.
“..this is very ok. So very ok..” he kiss me again. My hand both hand were running through his body, he have a smooth skin. Each time we met, his hand were so very full of hair, so I assume his body would be hairy too. But on the contrary, what I felt, his upper body were smooth, just like mine. His hand were roaming around, running from my side to the back, and he squeeze and push my butt, that got me feel his sensitive part that is bulging. Hard.
He move me to his left sight, and he also move, this time, he want to get on top of me. I don’t think he realize how big he is, he will squeeze me in to smooch! He then kiss me on my lips, again. I expect that he will stop after the kissing and the tongue running in each other mouth like before. Did he knew, that when he stop the kiss, that makes me even more to kiss him? Is that some kind of play? And he did pause. He look at me. I can see his face were in peace, smiling at me.
Out of nowhere, I recall this happened before. It puzzle me! Why do I have this feeling? We never sleep with each other, and I my brain deceive me, saying that this happened before? With the same guy I am now? I never thought that we both have any attraction to each other. And yet here we are, without clothes bed, kissing. And oddly, my brain falsely recall this moment I experience before? When? Where? It’s not possible! We never do anything in bed. Together.
..