..the light..

..
I thought, a nice dinner with Gerhard after work could make me spill the thought that is been crossing my mind these several days. It is coming as a surprise to me, that after the night we were together last weekend, he kept coming to my thought. I will not sat idly and say nothing toward this feeling. I will speak my mind about it. No matter what happen after, I will deal with it later. But not able to say what is in my mind, it is an undefined feeling to me. I rather speak it out, instead of keeping it.
The dinner spoiled by the skin of a chicken. I just can’t believe someone would react that way over a chicken skin. I bit my tongue. No saying a word about what is in my mind. ‘..Maybe some other time..’ I convince myself. But when we were at the parking lot, he told me how he doesn’t know how to get home from where we are now. Of course I can’t let him wander around driving the city about how to get home. I kind of have to bring him home. It is a little further from my place, and to get to his living area, we will have to drive several one way street. If you don’t know the shortcut you could easily get lost.
When I was about to drive his big motorbike, he even make fun of my height, which is not pleasant in my ears, I felt underestimated over my size to drive his motorbike. For sure, I have to use my toe to step properly on the ground, but I can drive the motorbike. If could drive a Vespa, I could easily drive his motorbike.
I drive as smooth as I could, I have him in the passenger seat, his weight press the shock-breaker and the motorbike got a little lower. Easier for me to step on the ground when it is on a traffic light. I dislike anyone who drove too slow or too fast, some friends said I drive fast, I think if they saw the speedometer, they would change their opinion on how I am driving. I drive in an average speed as everyone, I just don’t really step om the break, so I kind of have to smoothly move on the street, when someone in front of me driving slower than me, I look if there is a slot for me to pass or not, I look at the right side first, if there is no space for me, I look at the left side, and then I pass the vehicle in front of me. Maybe because of those maneuver’s, they thought I am driving fast. Which is not. While the break, of course I still using it, only when there is no more space to pass, sudden move from other driver, or on a traffic light that I could not get the green sign.
He hold me when it’s halfway to his place. I don’t say a word, it is a nice feeling when you drive and someone in the passenger seat hold you. I rarely drive since I move here. Letting him holding me, a warm feeling start to fill in, maybe it’s because of the moon watching us driving this busy road, or the streetlights that watch us passing vehicles in front of us, or another driver who look at us oddly when we stop at the traffic lights. A feeling of him sitting quietly in the passenger seat not complaining of my driving while he hold me. A feeling I can’t describe.
..
We arrived at his place, we watch the movie that is play at this the local channel right away after our arrival. Apparently we both have the same habits. Arriving home after work, and watch the movie on TV. Usually Saturday, I could watch more movies that is played on television, because of the no rush to sleep due to wake up early the next day so I can watch more movies.
“..After the movie, I will head to sleep if you don’t mind..” I speak to him when the commercial break is on. He nod.
“..Yes, me too, I have to wake up early tomorrow to work, before that, dropping you off at your place before heading to my office..” He explain. Work always come first to me, apparently he also think the same thing. Without our work, we can’t pay our bills.
Once the movie is finished, we both head to sleep. He, on his underwear, the usual sleeping wear of his, and this time I don’t do the same. I keep my pants on.
“..You going to sleep with your pants on?..” He cringe looking at me.
“..Yes, it is quite cool tonight, I don’t want to wake up because it got too cold..” He is laying on my right side, our hand holding each other. ‘Maybe now’ my thought urge me to speak what I feel lately.
“..Gerhard? Are you asleep already?..”
“..No? Why?..”
“..You know, after what happened last weekend, I couldn’t get rid at your image out of my head..” He lay there quietly, not reacting to what I am saying. “..I think, I have a crush on you..” I continue. He then release his hand, and got up, walking to the door. ‘Thats it. He didn’t feel the same way!’
‘Click’ the room got very bright, it turn out, he turn on the light. He walk toward the bed, and slowly laying down, and hold my hand again, he is facing me.
“..Are you sure? Am I hearing it correctly?..” He raise a question, should I repeat my sentence again?
“..Should I repeat again?..” I speak softly. He look at me. I can’t read his expression at this very moment.
“..No no, I hear you crystal clear. But are you sure with what you were saying?..” His reaction are rather odd in my ear, if I am unsure about my feeling toward him, I would not say such things.
“..Yes, why my statement are rising these question to you? And what coming next from me, is another question..” His reaction lead me to not able saying the next sentence I have been thinking to say to him. I never like to be asked a question about the question I am about ask him. Getting this question being asked to me, it makes me feel I have no strength.
“..Last weekend, you left after our intimate time together, and now you were saying you have a crush on me?..”
“..Would you like to be my boyfriend?..” I finished my sentence. Letting him asking another question would distract this line I have been thinking to speak out of my mind.
“..Look, I am a boring guy. I see a glimpse at your previous relationship, I am not that way, I don’t really like going out to the club, and I am still struggling to get back on my feet..” I look at him, he is talking about himself, when I am asking him to be my lover? Am I hearing it correctly? “..I feel really good about you, and the thought of us together, but I just can’t believe that you would ask me this question, while I am on my current situation..” Did he just say that a person could love him because of his financial status? If I want to be with a rich guy, then I would not work this hard to build my own future. And asking him, is like asking him to build a future together. Not matter what future hold. Unless he doesn’t want to.
“..Is that a No?..”
“..Let me finish. And answering to your question. Yes, I would love to be your boyfriend..” He is giving me this sweetest smile. He move closer and kiss me on the lips. I can’t describe this feeling. This is the first time, I ask someone to be my lover. A person who happened to be a good friend, a person who I can joke around freely, speaks my mind of about anything and he listen. And that person, is agreeing for us to be an item. We both lay holding and facing each other on our side, our lips felt like having a magnet planted on it. He doesn’t pull his lips anymore.
The moon shine its bright light in the clear sky above, the ray got through the trees in front of the house. The tree shade at the thin curtain on the window pane created out of the moon light. Witnessing two people falling asleep, holding each other.
..