..dream..

..11:42pm..

i tried to sleep a couple hours already, but my brain and thought just couldn’t stop thinking.

here i am, working in big stood company, a company were fields i ever wanted, architect and landscape, an international well known company. i work as the personal assistant of the owner, an american with a brilliant ideas and brain. as it is my dream to work in the field, i bare through some difficult situation, and i manage.

on my last review end of february, i gave my a self a shot, to ask him that i could learn the field it self, as i work in an office and do the accounting and administration and assist him to prepare his itinerary sometime, and i still remember well what he said was “..it is surprise me that someone from not the field asking me this, but yes, you are welcome to ask anyone in the office to teach you..” that day were the best day i ever have in my life. but yet i haven’t make any progression, and last week he ask me about it, i said “..i’m still learning pak..” ahh what a stupid words coming out from my own mouth. i should have just said, “..yes i am ready..“. well that time i was just happy that he acknowledge my existent and my interest.

as tonight, my brain were wondering around, and i my body just can’t wait to work in the field, and i thought of my self, “..why don’t i gave my self a chance tomorrow, to ask him one more time, that he can count me in, in the project..” yes, i feel relieve knowing what my brain told me. and i was thinking tomorrow i was just going to go for it. i might just end up disappointed, but at least i gave my shot! but only if its going as i wanted, then i feel whole, apart of that i am not whole person as far as my partner not with me. but at least what i ever wanted since 12 years ago, i will know the decision tomorrow.

“..ahh i just cant wait for tomorrow..“