..is it just me?..

my sweetheart is not in a good health,

last weekend, i had a chat with him, he told me he couldn’t sleep due to pain in his kidney, he has the same problem before, but that was a couples month back, and now he has it again, and his lower back are not totally good yet, the doctor said its a small hernia, and it is too early to be operate, so he still have to bare the pain and live with it until the operation time comes. the last time i chat to him, he said he was a horrible pain, all his body part were hurting, and he could not sleep long enough because of the pain, dear Lord, please give him strength and get him well soon. its killing me knowing him far away from me, and when he is sick, there is nothing i could do. it hurts!

as his work schedule today were working early, i send him message to wish him to have a good day, and if the health is not supporting him, i told him not to force him self. but i also know him, he is the kind of such a stubborn guy who mostly listen to him self, specially when i’m not beside him. it kills me honey, do you know that? i know we both apart for now, and we both working hard to get reunited someday in the future. but i really dont want you, the love of my life, forcing your self to work when your health said no to it. please honey, if anything happen to you, it will make me feel even worse, i really hope you understand this too.

i didn’t get any reply, but i haven’t lost hope and always wish you will be ok sweetheart. when i cook for dinner this evening, i didn’t even realize my tears fell, i was thinking of you the whole time. please just send me message to inform me how you doing, i really am worried here..

..the phone rang just after i finish cooking and have my dinner..

it was emak & bapak (mom and dad) who called me, after a several casual conversation, emak gave the phone to bapak, said they have some news for me,
“..i just marry your sister a few days ago..” he said across there so lightly,
“..oh..” i’m speechless, i don’t know what to say or how to react,
“..yes it was with a guy from across town..” as bapak continue, “..he help me with the work in the house when he is in here..”
“..good..” i reply..

ahh.. what did i ever do to them? why they gave me news when it already happen? but when they need me, all of them calling, so in this case they don’t need me? they don’t value my existence then? i always am there whenever they need any help, just recently they need help, and i’m there. but on this matter i don’t get invited? not even news when it about to happen? but drop me a line easily? really? is that how family goes? when on their happy moment they are on their own and not include me in it, but when it goes the other direction all of sudden i am forgotten? ahh.. i will never understand how do they think.

as for my sister i honestly happy for her, since she is been on and off with her relationship and several time got married but it doesn’t work, i really hope this guy is the right guy for her. i really do wish he the best. but then yet when i think back, everytime she got trample in trouble, who would she called first and ask for an help? and yet she doesn’t notify me? several time she is in trouble and i as the little brother, is the one who will lend a hand and help her. are they really forgot all that? are they?

yeah.. i am grew up from a messed up not easy life family, but i love my family, that is why whenever they need me, i always try my best to be there to help them. but apparently this is not the case from their sides. but i really do need their explanation about this, i want to know their real reason why, in a few month i will go back to my home town, and i will ask them.

i also have my life and problem, specially with my love one with his illness, i really am worried about him, he is like the important thing in my life. and i also love my family as well, but i just don’t expect this is how they treat me. yet again i have to keep my face straight forward, to built a better future for all those important people in my life. and i really do want to built a future with my love one.

“..honey please just a short message to notify me..”