..choices..

yesterday evening at 7:38pm

a friend of mine who used to be my boss, he is from austria, on his holiday to bali since he comes back on 2007, he was under health treatment back then when he comes back to his hometown, he contacted several days before his arrival, and would like to gather all his ex-staff around and having a dinner together in jimbaran. so on the said date, which is yesterday, several people of his staff who still in touch, he invited it. so in my brain i thought, it would be nice to met all of them after several years we have lost contact, and would love to see how their progress in love, life, and etc. i was living more to sanur area, so i will have to start a little earlier than everyone i suppose, because they said they will come all together from kuta, and we will meet up at menega cafe jimbaran.

on my way to jimbaran, i saw a group which turn out to be them, there were five people on 3 motorbike, i recognize the two of them, which one is my ex-boss it self, and the other one is the balinese guy who he partnered the business back then, but then he decide to work abroad, usa, which a brave choices i must admit, working in a country who he never knew about, but he did it, he was working there for 5 years, but when he want to continue the working visa, the rule changes, and that make him, can’t extend anymore, so he on some sort of way, have to come back to bali. turn out he already been in bali for one year if i’m not mistaken. now he worked at potato head beach club, the most happening gay place to hang out around ganesha area there which a little too over price. as what? hhmm i have to ask him next time i see him, which i doubt i will see him again, because we both have different life style. but i’m sure i will visit the place he work again someday soon.

anyhow, i also see a guy whose face were familiar, but i just can’t place in my head where do i see him, but later on after several conversation, i remembered, he is before one of those guy who used to go to bars almost every night. now.. he lived in singaraja, the north part of bali, he told me his short version about his life and love story, i would not said what is or how is that possible, but lets just say, now he realize how great it is to have a job and earning his own money, and he feels good about it, which i’m happy for him, i believe it’s not easy to find your way back to the right path, from earning easy money one night to hard work and the pay day is per month and sometime its late which sometime also devastating. but he said him self, he feels good with his life style now. ohh i really am happy for him, and from which both of us are gay, and easy for us to understand each other, the conversation were just running like water. he has been through some tough time i believe and to finally to out come his thinking and view on how it really is, believe me you it’s not an easy task.

the austrian ex-boss who is gay and bring the guy i remembered i saw him several time in gay bar in the past few year, he was talking about how not so easy it is to live in his hometown when he was just recently move, since he was away from his country for 7 years, or so he told me, it was really not easy for him to find a job, because most of the company would like to rather hire a fresh graduated on a low expenses rather than hire a 40 plus guy. which i also understand, because the economy theory always comes up everywhere. but eventually he get his feet on the ground again, even which he has to start crawling at first, but anyhow, he will maintain to finally walk and be able to run. i think that’s just how life is about, when you fall, you stand up and try to keep walking, if the injuries were too great, then crawl! and do your best to be able to start walking, and then runs, if there is a chances for you to fly? then spread your wings and start flying..!!

ahh where am i? ok about the gathering, it was great meeting all of them, even the other three i don’t really recognize and i don’t really have a chance have a conversation with them, it was great meeting them. the food were nice, not as nice as my mom cooked, or either my own cooked. but it is good with the average price for jimbaran area, and it was right next to the beach. you can feel the wind coming from the sea passing you, and you hear the wave sometime.

as when i apply it to my self, i know between me and my partner, we both agreed that i will have to somehow move to his country to be with him, it is for several important reason. and yes i am willing to take the chances to live abroad, because home is where, every time i come home from work i know my sweetheart will be there, and at night when i get cold he is there to hold me, it’s just doesn’t matter for me where we both live, but as far as we both live in the same roof, i believe we will be just fine. i believe i am strong enough to face all the difficulties in life, even sometime it brings me down, but i really do my best not to lose my self, on what i believe and what i truly am.

..i really patiently wait, the time for me to come home..

even only God knows when will it happen, but i believe in time in the future, i will say to my self that it is all worth the waiting.