I usually go to the beach on the weekend, enjoying the open sea right front, while drinking beer and looking at the peoples with their family or love one enjoying their time. They seems so happy with their activities.
The kids running back and forth to the water, freely, while the grownup looking after them sat on top of towels, they have food box next to them.
Or the lovebird that sat looking far to the edge of the water and the sky, holding hand, without speaking to each other they seems like understanding each other.
Some other are sitting in their car and can’t be bother with the heat, which I think is not so bad, enjoying coffee or tea with someone sat right next to the seat, they also probably looking at the peoples at the beach with all the activities.
It was peaceful and so refreshing, that’s how it’s usually felt to me.
But instead, I was just sitting in front of the house, with a cup of coffee. Longing..
That this empty space in me, that I wanted to fill, which I have been searching for long, but have no luck in finding one.
My whole life I have been working hard, the mortgage that is finally completed, with the payments. Back in the old days, I thought with owning the house would be enough for me, to be happy, to be living the live that on my old age. But something within me wanting more. Is that just how we, human, are? We will never feel fully satisfied with everything we’ve got? We always will something more? Something new?
To my bit of sense, I actually think, what is the point of owning a house, saving, car and all the materials, if I have no one to share it with?
It make sense when I am thinking about it.
Again, I was never having much time thinking about these kind of thought, I always getting up early, head to work, and when I arrived at home after work, I’m worn out and tired, and hit the sack at 10. It was comforting to have a daily activities, time fly by without I am realizing it.
And now, after all the years of hard working, an achievement that I thought I wanted in my life, it doesn’t fulfil me? I need more to be happy?
Why can’t I just be happy with all I’ve got?
After long consideration, I decided to travel, to the side of the world I haven’t been to. Peoples call it as the third world countries, they said it was chaos everywhere, a place you wouldn’t want to live to. The nature and landscape are magnificent they said.
Six month of travelling should be enough for me to kill my boredom, and not to think I have several contacts I found online, a meet with at least one or two of them should be enough, knowing their age, it wouldn’t go anywhere but just a friendship, or just a night of chat, and I don’t think I will hear from them again.
The first time I traveled to the other side of the world, it was like forever on the plane, I actually starting having a serious doubt, that I make a mistake to travel this far, and I wanted to head back halfway. What are the chances of someone like me to be with someone, and then spending a nice time together. Beside I can’t offer much but just holiday visit. Did I make a wrong decision? A friend told me that I could have many guys at the destination, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I actually think on the contrary. Who would want to be with someone in their mid-fifties whom having a weight problem?
Getting off from the plane and the weather shock hit me, I sweat immediately, it is so hot! Trust me I know how hot weather can be, but this one, is unbearable. On the cab to the hotel, traffic were so chaotic, I actually afraid someone will actually hit the cab. I can’t end up in the hospital. It was supposed to be a nice holiday.
I regret my own decision. And worse yet, I have six more months to regret it.
It was 10:30PM, the time difference is kicking my body, I could not sleep, and I am 30 minutes late to sleep, and bored. I used the whole evening to stay in the hotel mostly, getting out to the hotel restaurant to have a bite. It was too hot to walk out. I’d rather cooling down in the room, instead of sweating. Bore biting me, I opened my laptop, let see if I can find anyone to meet tonight. Who know, my luck is actually coming after me, when it comes to dating.
The guy I have chatted once is online, I still remembered, his English is broken, I wouldn’t expect it to be the same as I am, but that was worse, a lot worse.
“..hi..” I start the chat
“..hi too..” he replied
“..I am in Bali now, I said I would contacted you back then, I stay in Seminyak..” I explain shortly
“..ok, I live in Denpasar..” that’s not the answer I expect, but OK.
“..would you like to meet?..”
“..ok, where..” ahh, it felt good to read his short message.
He said he need to at least 45 minutes to get here, I told him to meet me at the restaurant of the hotel. I would be best, if the chemistry is not right, I can always call it off. Better than trying to sleep but have no luck in it. So let’s just give it a try.
I gave him my local number, so he can text me once he is in the parking lot, and I have time to have my dinner, NO, I better wait for him and we can have dinner together. So we have more time to chat.
“..I’m in motorbike parking lot already..” a message received on my phone, he is 12 minutes early, that’s unusual, according to my friends, the peoples from here will rather be late, that’s their culture. But 12 minutes early? Is he really living in another city as he said he is?
“..OK, come to the restaurant, I am wearing a blue shirt..” I replied, I decided not pick him up at the parking lot, it was too hot, I was sweating on my way to the restaurant already, wouldn’t want to get more sweat by walking to the parking lot.
A small guy, comes in at the restaurant door, he look around confusedly. “..maybe that’s him..” my thought playing in my head. He looks too young to be out at night. But his profile said he is in his 20, he doesn’t look like his profile age. He look like an underage boys. I should call it off. I don’t want to play with fire.
I stand, he shook my hand and smile. “..Lee?..” he asked while we shook hand, I nodded. We decide to have dinner first. He looks so much different than his profile picture. And I am three time of his.
We have the basic chat, he said he work in Denpasar, comes from another island and work here, on his own. With his broken English, I could sum-it-up. Is just what kind of parents letting this small boy going on his own to another island? He must have had no luck in taste of Education, I can tell from his speaking.
He does seem clumsy, the way he sit, the way he eat, the way he talk. He asked only few things about me, I just told him I am retired man and coming from Boston.