..the relationship..

At night when we met, he always ask about how my days going, I always say it is good and I went to this places, then I showed him pictures I captures. But I don’t want to say that it would be better, if he come along with me, to enjoy the trip. I don’t want him to have trouble with his work and life.
..
Even there are no sexual encounter, somehow, he always seems so light, it must have had been his average weight that every time when I see him, his walk, his smile, his movement, always easily made.
We just woke up, he rested his head on my arm, facing me, I can see from his eyes, of how happy he is. He smile at me, I kiss him to show that he is making me happy too. A moment that I usually thought to have, it is happening. He always needed more kissing than I do. Must be the youth hormones that got us difference in our need of a kiss. He move and sat on my lap, we still under the blanket, half naked, I can feel that his lower part is hard, he look at me smiling, and give me a kiss, again. He move further again, looking at me.
“..i love you..” he murmured, that was the first word I’ve heard after 2 weeks we spend with each other. My brain tells me, ‘this is not real, we just two weeks together, and the word is out already? It isn’t right’ but my heart is fill with happiness, decline what my brain tell me so.
“..i love you too..” surprise with my own hearing, my mouth say things that my brain still processing what is just happening.
He hold me.
That morning, like every other morning, I woke up together with him, cuddling, kissing. And he said the magic word, word that I would not expect to hear for me, nor that I actually have heard someone said to me before. We went to the restaurant to have a bite, after breakfast he will be leaving to work, in the center of the city. And left me question, did I make a mistake by making someone say that to me and I reply it to him. Our age is just separated too much, and I don’t think I can give him what he is supposed to have in life, he still have a long way to go. All the thought have rush in to my mind, but despite all that, I am happy.
Once I get to the room, I open my laptop and check my emails, it was the usual, report of the stock exchange that raise in a small percentage, newsletter about my hometown that is getting colder, and a meeting of place where I’ve worked before to have a monthly meeting.
‘..hi baby, I know you just left an hour ago, but I want to tell you, that I miss you already, I will call you later in the evening before your work over’ I press send on the new email I just drafted. Yes. It is official. I am in love.
..
A month in the island, it’s just not enough for me, I want to spend more time in the island, watching the sunset and then drink beer together. In the weekend, we go to the beach, lying under the sun with an umbrella shadowing us, I read my book and he is busy listening to the music. Few time, we dive in to the water, I enjoy teaching him how to work with the wave, in the water, I hold him. People’s eyes I no longer care about, I am happy, and so is he, if other eyes are seeing differently, then there is nothing I can do about their view. They responsible of their own opinion.
Unfortunately, I have to leave and get back on my trip, trip that I planned for sometime to see South East Asia. But somehow, I left something within me in the first place I visit. That morning before I left, I knew I took something from him with my departure, his happiness, he is rather quiet. I told him, that I will be back in April, I was not planning to go back at first, but after what we both through, I want to see him again before I depart to the other side of the world, back to my hometown. It wasn’t a break up, but it is not easy to leave someone you share strong feeling to each other, and goes on your own, as it is not easy for me, I am sure it will not be easy for him either. But perhaps, that’s just how life is, throwing us this kind of emotions. So once we reunite again, we can enjoy each other, better.
..
We email each other when I am on my trip through, switching countries and cities, I don’t stay too long at one place. How does it actually happened, I only have been with him for about a month, and everywhere I go is just remind me of him, I do try to meet someone new, but his image is in my head that each time I meet other guy, I look at something similar within, which of course it will not work. Does our experience limit our self with our preferences? Before I fly out from Boston, all I want is just enjoying my trip, and have fun along the way. But here I am, switching beautiful cities and countries, looking at the magnificent sceneries and cultures, but all I want is back to the place where I landed for the first time. Back to preference, everytime I meet someone, what I am looking for is similarities, resemblances within, which is not possible. I want this trip is finally over, and I can be with him again.
..
‘Hi Daddy, I can’t wait to see you this weekend then. Hugs and Kisses’ His email is hitting my inbox, I emailed him the date of my arrival. I told him I will be arriving on Saturday morning, and will contact him after his working time. Which the truth is, I arrived on Friday afternoon, I don’t want to make him come Friday after work and then he have to leave the next morning for half a day and return to see me. I want to spend my time longer with him. Also I need some rest after the long trip.
Arriving in the afternoon and head straight to the hotel, although the taxi fare is different than the last time, how come the price is raising when the distance is closer than before, on the table of prices from airport to my hotel area is 120K, but the guy who sit in the counter says it is 150K, I want to reason and complain, but with the 30K differ, I don’t think it is worth the effort. I just consider it as the tips included to the price. It is one form of cheating. The country need to control the business better, they can’t leave this crook to kept getting away stealing from the customer, many peoples will not like to be treated this way and not recommending the airport transport to their friends.
After dinner, I got bored, I thought I can spend another night on my own. I dislike my own decision to lie to him about my arrival. Should I give him a call and tell him that I arrive a day early? Or should I stick to see him tomorrow afternoon, so when he come, we can have a nice time by the beach, watching the sun went down, and then continue our dinner. This supposed to be an easy. But realizing I am 30 minutes away from him, but I can’t be with him, it bother me.
I decide to head to club that night, maybe after two or three drinks I can sleep well. It is still the same as five month ago when we visit, it is always busy. I am not much of a club kind of guy, the music is always too loud for me, but spending another night on my own is also not better than the club. I sat right next to the bar, drinking my second gin tonic, looking at peoples enjoying their night out. A guy look at me, we exchange smile, we chat a little. We can’t speak much due to the loud music. We just know each other name. Then I excuse myself to hit the rest room. Not in the mood to lead any complicated situation within me.
I saw him entering the club door, someone follow right after him, a slight smaller guy than I am. It struck me, it hurt me, seeing him going with someone but me. Did he actually find someone already? Does is that fast for him to get over me? But his email said he is still in love with me, and wanted to be with me. Was that just a sweet talk he is emailing to me? is he one of those player?