For someone who grew up where being gay are not an option and still being discriminated, being in a relationship with someone is the least you would imagine you would have had. Usually, most of us drive to another city to cruise that might lead to some fun, or it could be just meeting someone new. In relationship, two guys living together in that time are not an option, maybe in a metropolitan cities you could, but small town as Nahant, where everyone is knowing everyone, one problem is becoming the whole neighborhood conversation about, and two man living together is not really an option.
Unlike where I am now, an island in the other side of the world, where time separate us for about 12 hours behind, most of people are not really looking at man to man relationship. Although I am still bothered with our age differences, but what I feel, is real. Feeling how happy I am to be with him, I actually can’t wait, when he is working to the city, to be with him again in the end of the day. I wonder, how would my brother react once he find out that I am in love with someone, age different aside, would he congratulate me, or judge me in an instant. I want to share the feeling with my relatives, but living in the dark for too long, actually got me scared to spill the words. I don’t want to hurt them, nor myself for that matter.
“..hi Daddy, how are you, and how’s your day going so far?..” he greet when he just arrived from his work. I can see that his energy were drained out from work.
“..hi Baby, I’m good thank you, having a hard day at work?..”
“..yeah, been busy today at work, do you mind if I go lay down a little?.. “ He give me a kiss
“..sure..” I nod and smile
I was checking email and the stock online on my computer. He shrug himself to the bed after taking his clothes off, which within a few minutes I only hear his breathing slowly, peacefully.
How are you? And how is my nephew and niece doing? How is the weather there? Hopefully the summer is about to start soon?
By end of the month I will return back home, you won’t believe how lovely it is to be here, weather is warm at 34 degrees, I sweat when I just arrived about 5 months ago like a river, but after a while I get used to the warmth. The travel has been very delightfully amazing. Will show you the pictures once I arrived home.
Almost forgot, I think I am in love.
Greetings from the warm island of the Bali,
It took me sometime to draft the email a weeks ago, everything I said it seems not proper. And tonight, I am opening the draft, after typing my brother email, also took me sometime to press send button. I was terrified of my own thought, about how he will answer it. The cursor is on top of the send button, I take a deep breath, and click the right side of the mouse. There is no returning. Just going forward. And let’s hope it will turn out just alright.
I stand, and walking toward the bed, he is probably hitting the slumber land now, sleeping half naked, I just want to cuddle him right away, but I remember, when he is just arrived he looks so worn out. ‘Let him get his rest’ my brain telling me to steer clear. So I climb to the other side of the bed, turn the television on, and my hand were fiddling with the remote, looking at channel that might have an interesting program to watch. He turn his position around which is now facing me, I look at his peaceful asleep.
‘Blegh!’ I felt something hit me in the stomach, I was almost asleep after watching the news on tv, I see that his hand were on top of it, so I hit him back, on the his flat stomach. There is no way someone who is asleep could hit that hard. And he deserve to be hit back, so he can learn that in life, you can hit others as you wish.
“..yes? what?..” he mumble and open his eyes shockingly.
“..you hit me, so I hit back..” I answer, you can’t just hit someone as you wish without having it return to you. I was just about to sleep. Now I am all awake. And I don’t think I can sleep again.
“..oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I hit you, I was asleep, I thought you wake me up by hitting me, I thought there is something urgent..” his reply were innocent, and plain.
Now I feel bad of hitting him, why didn’t I look at him first, whether he is asleep or not. We have slept together for longer time now, I should have had known that he would never hit me for no reasons. I don’t think he would ever hit me for whatever reason. How he always play with each part of my body, and admire every inch of it.
“..ah ok, never mind then. You still want to get some sleep? We still have about 1 more hour to nap before our dinner time..”I try to explain and try to change the hitting subject. ‘you imbecile Lee! Why would you hit the one person who adore you!’ my brain is blaming myself.
“..we are in no rush to have dinner aren’t we? Maybe we can lay down until it’s time for dinner?..” he ask
“..sure, we can lay a little..” I reply
“..I’m sorry to hit you in my sleep, you know I would never hit you Daddy, and you too my yummy tummy..” he even feel sorry to hit me, he look at me while he speak and look at my stomach at his end of the sentence. And the kiss my big round belly. I still don’t understand how he is calling my stomach as ‘yummy tummy’ in the first place. Just a few days after our first night together, he already come up with the name. Every time it felt funny how he adore it. While everyone is telling me to watch out my weight and my belly growth, about how unhealthy do I turn to be, he on the contrary, adoring and loving it. Why didn’t I find someone like him long ago, so I don’t have to feel bad about myself eating food, or when I ate in the middle of the night. To me, when I am hungry I eat, I don’t like to starve myself. And that’s also the reason why I always have food in the house.
With him, I can be who I am.