..the little happiness..

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My legs make each step one after the other, as usual, I walk to get home after work. For about 1,5 years ago, walking is not much troubling for me, matter of fact I enjoy it. I was happy to finally being hired at my first job in the island, as the warehouse staff of this computer supplier. In my hometown, finding a job in the city was not an easy task, especially where you have no money, or your family wasn’t earning much. So finding a job is something very exciting for me. After my probation over, the owner grant me to be the head of the warehouse part, which basically just counting stock of the hardware that is being sell. Every month, I always have to count the goods that is being sold and that is still in stock. With a little higher wages I receive that time, I am very happy. Going to and from work walking, I still enjoy. After the first year I was being asked to be sitting in the front desk to sell the good, which I accept because it offer more incoming, and the bonus also added to what we sell. I feel good about it.
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But in the past two weeks, walking is not my best preference. Taking public transport is my option. I have this supervisor who always offer to give me a ride from home to work but I often refuse. He give this certain attention that I don’t want to have, and doesn’t want to give him a mislead perception with accepting the offer. Often in the weekend he offer me to go have a short trip to the beach. I went one or twice, but later on I decline by making excuses.
Two days ago, when I was in the Angkot (Minibus Public Transportation) on my way home, as usual sitting near the door, it is easier for me to get out without making other people to make way for me. There are no time table with this public transports, sometime you have to wait very long before the Angkot arrived, but when you’re lucky, you will be sitting in it within a few minutes.
The woman who sat next to me looks like she is just coming from Pasar Kumbasari (Big Traditional Market in the center of Denpasar also often being called as Pasar Badung), she have this whole full of several bags filled with vegetables and other ingredients, probably it is for her to resell the groceries the next morning in the Market nearby her place, she is quiet and looks rather exhausted.
The two students who sat in front of me next to the door were talking to each other about their math homework, the other one ask if he can work on it, and the answer wasn’t very satisfying, I can see his expression change, maybe thinking how to submit his homework tomorrow while he has no idea how to make it work.
The driver stop when he saw a guy in yellow-oranges-ish fabricate, which makes him similar like those monk in Thailand, he is shaving his head bald which got me thinking he might be a monk, even though it can’t be that. And then another guy follow him to get in to the minibus, he have a rather ‘unique’ appearance, with his colorful clothes and this purse, and the way he walk. I think I can hear the driver whisper to the passenger who sat next to him and saying “..that is a homo..” it tickle and rather disturbing to my hearing. The guy who sat next to him giggles. The two guys sat all the way in the back part of the minibus.
The streetlights, the cars, the motorbikes and the shop aside the street starting to turn the light on. Makes the city is so full of light. I sat quietly enjoying the crowd and the lights. The driver sometime stop with this shocking break, thought he is seeing another customer wanting to use the service. He will kept filling the cars until it is cramp and no one able to move. I understand with having more peoples in the vehicle meaning he is having more incoming, but sometime the driver went over board and squishing the customer in the cars.
“..Pak, Bank BTN kiri..” ‘Pak, Bank BTN left’a rather high pitch voice in the back break the silence in the car giving an indication to stop, slowly the car move aside. Now everyone have to make room for the person to leave and go home. Which turn out the ‘unique’ appearance guy is getting out.
“..Berapa?..” in other word he ask ‘how much’ it cost.
“..8.000 rupiah..” he reply in short and rather rude tone.
“..yesterday I pay 5.000..” he is not letting the differentiates, which is quite high.
“..heh Banci! If you don’t want to pay, why don’t you walk next time?..” he shout rudely to the guy, I can’t believe my own hearing, someone actually using those very rude and rather insulting words. Beside, that he is raising the price is wrong, but yet he is the one who is triggered to shout? I sat with my mouth shut, not knowing how to react on such things. The guy handed a 10.000 bill and ask for the change in return, he is mumbling which I can’t really made up at what he is saying. If it were me being raise that much, I would be pissed as well. But those words that comes out from the driver mouth, it pierce through my ears and went straight to the brain, I never imagine someone saying such things to me, my reaction could easily be punching the guy in the face in no time. The guy left mumbling after he receive his change.
Slowly the driver push the pedal and going to the direction further, he then joke about what just happened with the passenger next to him, that he thought it is funny to shout rudely to the guy before. And sadly, I just sat there and keeping my mouth shut.
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At the same day later that night, I usually turn on my television and watch this talent singing show. Sometime I wonder who those contestants could got through the selection, while their singing voice are rather poor. I am not a good singer and aware of that, but the show was supposed to be selecting the good ones and let them through. Starting to lost interest on the second season of the show. I went out to buy fried rice near the place where I live which is in a walking distance within 5-10 minutes. I have to cross a wooden bridge which is only for the people with their foot, so motorbike are not allowed to cross using the same bridge, they have to drive around to get to the street stall. It was around 8:00PM and the stall are rather busy with customers, I ordered one to takeaway. The traffic at night still rather busy. Everyone quickly turn or press their gas handle once the light is on green, they want to get home faster.
My mind still hook on what happened on the way home after work before, how people could easily being rude to someone they barely knew, just because the guy is not on the average peoples thought it should be. How it is people easily using an abusive words towards other and saying it up front. It doesn’t weak them, it strengthen them, at least I am thinking that way. It is very common when one certain person is force or press against their own self, it doesn’t change them, it strengthen them instead. The rather different guy, he is taking the abusive words very well, probably still piss, mumbling and all, but he doesn’t use force in response. Being a guy who is attracted to another same gender in the country are not easy. Especially if the person is living in the country side.
I kept tossing around thinking about what happened, my own brain battle about how lucky I am which never being in the same situation and receive an abusive words or sentences from others, and the other part of me wanting to feel sorry for myself after losing the person I love. His email on that same day of his departure is just leaving marks.
“..you need to stop the drama within yourself and start enjoying life..” I mumble with my own thought.
Separated with someone who is love and care about is always painful, but I will still have to continue my life, continue to work, and being happy to what I have achieve so far. I know all those well, and kept telling myself to be happy. I remember the good time we have, and being grateful to have such a person crossing my path. At least, I no longer cry when I remember him.
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This morning when I woke up, I have this thought to continue my daily walk from home to work and return. And after work, on my way home, I look at the end of the road, the orange shade that is being blocked by the cloud, which makes a magnificent color in the sky. And more importantly, I am happy.
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