..the smile..

After work, I decide to drive around through the city. Since I work in this twice a month magazine at the position of graphic design manager, I most of the time worn out at the end of the day with workloads. So driving around is no longer a luxury that I have. The traffic in Teuku Umar street is somehow I missed. Off driving my motorbike around the city, I take streets I’ve never rode before, just to look around, maybe a new place to eat or other interesting places. I stop at this small stall aside the street, order a cheap instant coffee.
I look at the time on my mobile which is at 6:45PM. On the road, I saw this mall of computer shops, I remembered that he said he work at the supplier computer in the first floor, I was about to enter the shop and make a visit, but then it hit me, that I don’t live in my own country, having a foreigner visits you would be something that his colleague talk about. I would not want to put him in the awkward position.
..hi, I just drive through the computer shop where you work just now, how are you?..” I text him to see how he is doing. Peoples who come to the stall are also most of them having coffee. Few of them buying the small portion cheap nasi campur. It would take me to eat at least 5 of the portion to actually fill my stomach. I inhale the cigarette in my hand. The person who is owning the stall talk to his staff, which I can’t made up what they were talking about, my Indonesian language is not that level yet. But I enjoy how it sounds in my ears.
The rear lights of the motorbike and cars, the street light, the peoples who drive like a mad man, and the shops at the street side, the city start to grow on me. After several months not driving around, for some reason I don’t understand, I missed the chaos. And arriving home at 8:20PM, still have no answer from him, I was thinking we can meet somewhere and have dinner together. Hopefully he is OK.
I take my clothes off and wash my face to freshen up, and turning the TV on. The movie that is playing is not my cup of tea. So watching Friends series is left to do. I kept watching the series and never got bored with it. Looking at how Chandler who kept making jokes, Monica who is the control freaks, Rachel with her witty and ‘I can do’ attitude, Phoebe who is flaky and lovable, Joey with his constant sexual appearance toward woman with his ‘how you doing’, and Ross who is, owh I don’t really like his character on the series. My phone is beeping in the bedroom, I forgot to take it out from my jacket when I arrived. I drag myself to the bedroom to get the phone.
..hi Gerhard, I am good thank you, you drive my workplace? Really? Just arrived home here, I have an overtime today, usual end of the month tasks. And how are you?..” he reply my text when I was in the stall.
..i am good thank you, understood, work comes first. I was thinking to meet you before, but since I have no answer, so I went home..
..sorry about that, maybe we can meet this weekend?..
..weekend sounds good..” I reply his suggestion.
I put my phone on the table and continue watching the series, it was the part where Chandler got stuck at the ATM, he make a phone call to Joey and speaking with his left mouth so ‘Jill Goodacre’ doesn’t hear him talking about him stuck at the ATM. And amazingly Joey understand his speaking. Their connection to each other is very good. Love them both.
I fell asleep on the couch, it end-up the TV is the one that is watching me. Woke up around 2:00AM and I go to bed, continue hitting the slumber land.
..i will be finished working at 2:30PM today, what time you want to meet?..” text from him arrived on my phone.
..i am free Saturday and Sunday, so you can come by at any time after your work..” i left it open for him to come by, beside I have no plan of going anywhere today.
..i will go home first, change, then heading to your place, will be there around 3..
As usual, the Saturday activities, I laundry my clothes then continuing with cleaning the house and the back yard. I was thinking to make fried rice for the day, but knowing him will be visiting, ate bread with jam in for my brunch. Maybe later when he is here I can cook the fried rice as my plan. After cleaning up the house I rest a little, and turn the series I watch last night, again.
knock knock’ someone at the door, assuming it was him, I rush to the door and open, he smile at me. I let him in.
..how are you? it’s been a while we haven’t meet eh?..
..i’m good thank you, just work and home, you know, the usual stuff..” he reply with no expression.
..same like me then..” i answer, he changed, before he is this cheer kind of guy, but now, he sat in front of me with less expression and rather quiet. “..are you ok?..” I continue.
..i am ok, why?..
..no reasons, just you are rather quiet. Anyway, hows your BF?..
..he is OK, he went back to his hometown 1,5 months ago, and he is letting me go..” he soften his voice to an almost mumbling if I don’t hear him properly.
..sorry about that..” I don’t know what to say but to say sorry. Probably that’s the least he wanted to hear. But what can I say if someone is being left by the person that he love?
..sorry for what? Nothing to sorry for, you didn’t do anything..” he is making his point. I mean, sorry that he have to go through such situation. “..i am ok really, I was sad and broken hearted when he left, but when I remember my work, my life, and there are more peoples who is unlucky and have to work so much harder, or some other who is still struggling to find work, I am lucky. So, I am A OK..” he explain, which in away make sense. He doesn’t want to focus on his pain, and realizing there other things he can be grateful for. Because in the world, life is not just about us and our own pain. Some others probably going through the same things, yet the world will kept walking. Better for us to focus on what is ahead, rather than letting ourself being held by our own past. Many time I say this to my own, but most of the time, it doesn’t work.
..i am sure you will be alright, we both will be alright..” what comes out from my mouth, I was reassuring my own self too. I will be alright. Despite all the bad, I still have something to be grateful.
..you are right about what you said several months ago, LDR is never easy, the distance that separate two persons is such an obstacle, I guess, he got scare of the distance and letting me go..” I remember we talk about this concept of Long Distance Relationship (LDR) several months ago when I saw him.
..again, sorry that he let you go, you should find someone who live in here then, so you don’t have to go through what you’ve been through..” I smile at him. “..anyway, I was thinking to cook a fried rice, wan’t to wait up and we can have it for our late lunch?..” I can’t let him kept thinking or talking about his failed relationship by trying to change the subject. “..you can turn on the TV if you want, don’t be a guess in here..” I continue.
..fried rice sounds good, and can you make it?..” I saw his puzzled face, unsure that I can make the common food that is being sold mostly everywhere in the country.
..ouch! what makes you think I can’t make a simple fried rice? Please, that such an insult..” I was trying to be funny.
..i wasn’t meant to insult, to me, it’s just odd, especially you are not born in the country..”
..i love Indonesian food, Nasi Pecel, Soto Ayam, Nasi Campur, Nasi Kuning, Nasi Goreng, Rawon, Rendang, Ayam Kare and many more. And fried rice is the simplest dish among all those..” true, I love most of this country dishes.
..alright, is there anything I can help you to?..” he nod and smile.
..if you don’t mind, I would like you to peel the onion, the onion in here is small and I always ended up crying when I peel the outside layer. The small size and my giant finger doesn’t makes it easier you see?..” I took the small red onion from shelf, held it in my finger and then showing it in my hand. “..see? this small, of course it is more difficult for me to peel it..
..hehe, ok let me peel it then..” he smile, all those time we were having our conversation, he wasn’t smiling at all. He looks a lot cuter when he smile. I start preparing to cook, he sat at the couch, turn on the TV while he peel the onion. With him, even though we just met several times, but it feels like we connected somehow.

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