..the separated soul..

It was supposed to be trips knowing other culture and countries to the world of the opposite, relationship is far from my mind when I depart from the airport. My friends always told me that I would not like the chaos, which I found a little disturbing, also everyone is always have their friendly face toward foreigner makes me like the island even more. I rather not to think about what friends said regarding how the peoples think about us, foreigner, as their money maker. In a way it is true, the island is full of tourists, that makes them used to the custom, the business grew from it, many kind of business open, such as souvenir shop, clothing, unique cultural statues, painting, a day trip tours, restaurants, and the list goes on. So it is only normal if when they saw us, they wish for us to shop or spend our money on their business. There is nothing wrong with that, to me.
The object to visits are also not focusing on the beach, they have a magnificent rice paddy in Jatiluwih also in other areas near Ubud, lakes in a couple of places, mountains, several waterfalls worth to visit, I did visit one, Tegenungan waterfall, near Gianyar there, it was good, but the walking distance is rather far, I am not that big a fan of walking, so I decide not to pay a visit to another one. The north part of the island were having a great sceneries too. I think one month visit will not be enough to enjoy the island, probably when we saw it on the map it looks small, a month holiday should be enough to cover all places. It will be though, if you were willing to keep moving and draining your energy on your holiday. It is called as a holiday so we can enjoy our time, not tiring our self with all the itineraries that is listed, especially not by our self, I mean in here if you were deciding to drive around with a tour guide.
My trips were most of the time in the midweek, where my Baby is going to the city to work, then I have like from 8AM to 6PM time to kill, so I decide to hire someone for a trip. Not on a daily basis of course, even though I was not driving myself, I still feel tired from sitting in the cars. Weekend is more to enjoying my time with the person I fall in love with, sunbathing at this gay beach, then dinner together, and continue with the club sometime, the walking at the beach were rather funny sometime, on the bright day light we walk together, but when the day is dawn, he sometime let me hold his hand while we walk along the beach on our way to the hotel from our dinner. The fact that he is still young, he have a long journey ahead of him, which he have to discover about himself. Knowing him this short while, I am sure he will become a fine gentleman.
My time in the island is about to be up, this weekend I will have to fly back to my hometown, I want to spend as much time as I could to be with him. I told him about where my hometown is, and where do I live, the technology nowadays allow me to show him the location, with this satellite view from the map. I also showed him the other day my picture’s from the town website, I was made a chief from one of the department, so there were my picture shown on the website. He was so curious to see what I am showing, he have several of question, which I answer one by one.
..your house is near the beach? Have you also walk along the beach like we did in here? And sunbathing too?..” his curiosity kick in.
..yes it is near, it was like a 5 to 10 minutes walk to the beach, I rarely walk along the beach or sunbathing too, the weather there is too cold to do what we did in here daily..” I explain.
..how cold it gets?..” he still looking at the map Ive shown him on my laptop.
..now? it must be like 14 degree..” or something like that.
..this room now is at what? 18 or 20?..” he start to wonder and comparing.
..it is about at 22 I think..
..that is cold..” he is looking outside to the terrace, to the green garden after the pool of the hotel. “..oh and you look handsome in a suit on the town website by the way..” he continue.
..I am? Thank you..” I give a kiss on his lips.
..thank me for what? Saying what I saw? Thank yourself, or your late parents. And thank you for the kiss by the way..” he reply after we kiss and smile. Oh boy, do I not want to leave him, and always wanted to have him by my side, I always want to hold him, close. But things are rather need to taken the way it is. My departure are closing in.

hello Bro,

It is good to hear you enjoy your holiday there, in here is rather cold as usual, I don’t have to tell how it is, you must have had still remember how it is in here. Your niece and nephew are good, they were at the school at the moment. I assume your arrival will be soon? Do you want us to pick you up at the airport? Or have you arrange your transport from the airport back home? Let us know in advance alright?
In Love? You just left less than 6 months ago, how could you fall to someone? How long have you know this person? You think it is serious? I remember you’ve never mention anything about your feeling to me, your own brother, but now you do?
If you don’t mind me asking, is it a girl?

Looking forward for your email about the airport transport.

Greetings from the Cold Nahant,

An email hitting on my inbox, my brother, Richard reply my last email, it is rather a wake up call for me. I’ve not coming out to my Brother or my relatives, to my assumption they already knew that I am gay on some level, at this age, and still not getting married. And also, I have never talk about my feelings. But this time I am happy, and not knowing to whom should I share my feelings to, and that got me slipping a little by mentioning it to him.
If would be a great opportunity for me to come out though, but his words pierce right through me, I just left less than 6 months ago, and I am in love? Have I lost my mind? And worse yet, I am falling to someone who live in the other side of the world. I have no intention to move to this far away country, I always wanted to move to city like Florida or something. Knowing my house is near the beach, I would like to retire and enjoying my old age near water as well. Moreover, I have a property at home, and I don’t even know if I will ever coming back to this country. This was supposed to be an experience for me on my first long trip. I would like to return indeed, but not for settling down, maybe for another trip or something.
Once reality hits, I actually start thinking about my Baby, what would happened to him after I left? He said I am his first lover, and it would tear him if I told him the truth about me not returning. I can’t hurt the person I love. But to be honest, things are moving too fast, I have to make decision fast. And I am no good at this quick decision making.

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